narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

queenchrissycumberbatch:

my friendship comes in 3 levels:

1) sass 

2) insults

3) inappropriate sexual humor. 

beaucoupshade:

real friendship

beaucoupshade:

real friendship

cosmothefairy:

give me ur address and i’ll rate the way u sleep and the way you bathe

italiham:

butterfliesthebeautiful-kind:

accend:

doughnot:

those text posts where every single comment is pure gold

pure gold

Pure gold

Pure gold

Pure gold

ladynecro:

my friend has black hair and the initials PM while her boyfriend has blonde hair and the initials AM and she told me that they joke that theyre ‘as different as night and day’ and i fell on the floor that shit was so adorable

most-awkward-moments:

“If the answer is false, explain why”

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